hey so, yeah it's been a long time since i posted
really busy with A Levels preparation,
and post A level thingys
movie spree + sleeping

quite disappointed that was unable to shoot for this year's Speedlight camp,
due to full capacity of the camp committee,
oh wells, next year.

since the church couldnt let me shoot for them
i got a job with FireFly Photography Singapore.
Although im still under training,
it's pretty awesome.
opportunities to interact and take pictures with families and couples,
and the pay is quite good.
it'll definitely help to build up my portfolio.

getting ready for prom is such a chore.
my hair is in a terrible mess,
it's like too short and puffy.
HAHA.
got a blazer from Zara
gonna keep it simple for prom, just a blazer and t-shirt inside.

God is always faithful.
definitely through the draining A Level's period,
both mentally and emotionally.
been learning much from the Word as the Lord leads me.

was led to read the book of Hosea,
for some funny reason.
a very overlooked book in the Bible.
well, reading it at first glance, it can be hilarious,
especially when i thought that i was Hosea and my enemies were Gomer,
where God was teaching me to love my enemies.
well, the truth is,
it struck me, because when i meditated upon the chapter,
i began to realise how much of Gomer i was, and how great a Hosea that God was.
always turning back and yearning to temptations of greed, lust and pride.
great humbling truth.
and hope you can be touched from this small sharing.

i going to book into NS in 9may,
so it's really going to be a long time for me.
considering to take up Kepap (martial arts) and driving
i wanna work in Starbucks too
hehe.
and it would be a great time to go deeper into God's Word.
and the extra cash would help alot.

till next time, bye!

all shots below were taken by me with FireFly Photography Singapore

Well guys, this is it
A Levels are here!

Goodluck and God bless :)
Whatever it is, He has a plan for us

Nights!

Coronary Christians who joyfully press on in some great Cause of love and justice don't come out of nowhere. They come out of the fiery furnace of warfare with sin – fought mainly in their own souls.

-John Piper

Have not been posting in donkey years.

too busy and lazy hehe.

With the A levels coming up,
too much time is spent on studying,
and little on basic priorities and burdens in our lives.
Sometimes, too much noise hinders our ability to hear God,
for His will and purpose in our lives.
first things first.

As learnt from the Book of Joshua (specially Chapter 5)
There must be a sense of,
Consecration before conquest.
Worship before warfare.
Few are able to fully comprehend as such,
yet many more are unable to carry it out.
I too struggle with such.

At times, fleshly desires challenge my moral inward convictions,
it makes me truly question the assurance of my salvation.
But praise be to God that my salvation is based upon His work, not mine.
Sometimes, a simple life means the best life.
Less worries, more smiles.
Indeed, in a competitive society,
one finds such a option difficult.
Is there really anything left, but studying with joy?

CDDDS
they absolutely do not spell out perfect grades.
i mean, this is definitely worse than peeing on your pants
in school and in front of your friends
ohhh kayy...
maybe i'm exaggerating
but reflecting upon it,
there is a sense of joy when close friends come and share their thoughts,
and speak into my life with words of encouragement.

I felt maybe there was self-pride when i suddenly jumped
from D to A for maths, and S to C for physics in my mid year.
Totally forgetting the fact that it was God's grace.
Why do i think so?
cause for my prelims i jumped back down to D and S respectively.
Hmm, what a coincidence.
Well, anyone might say otherwise
since the human mind has the capacity to doubt almost anything.
But i truly have been humbled and have come to a point of realizing
my need for God's wisdom and leading in my life
Especially for my studies.

I want to be able to sit for the Alevels,
confident that all is in God's hands.
Being able to be rested,
although not perfectly prepared
(come on, you can never be fully prepared.
i mean, what if they test hypotesting and vectors together?
maybe unless you're YRC)
haha.
but my point is, i want to encourage all that, whether Christian or not,
that God loves you and that He has a plan for you no matter your result.
And there's no great theology in that.

There's no Goliath too big, you just need 3 stones and faith in God.

A levels is definitely not an end, but a start to a new journey.
God's will is totally sovereign,
gloriously redemptive,
sometimes puzzling,
but always perfect.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Jeremiah 29:11
(yes, it's cheesy. but true nonetheless)

study hard people! God bless!
-marcusjairus

How sweet it was, all at once for me, to be rid of those fruitless joys, which i had once feared to lose.

Considering the implications of Hair for Hope 2012
Well, to be truthful, I thought if was just plain foolish.
I mean the cancer patients aren't even going to see you bald
Why don't you just donate the $10 instead
I'm sure many people value their hair at more than $10
So the question comes,
Why do it then?
What pride is there in doing so,
Rather it is the undoing of one's confidence

Did I ever place my security in how I looked?
Was there any joy that I hid there?
Is the Lord my true and sovereign joy above all else?

So I've decided to go for this hair for hope.
Partly for the cancer patients.
But above all, for the pursuit of all security and joy and the sweet satisfaction in the Lord

Only He can give me the contrite courage and broken-hearted boldness to do so,
that all would not speak of my "bravery" of doing so,
But rather give thanks to the Lord for this amazing work for me,
To remove my fruitless confidence
And obtain the priceless treasure,
Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour.

I have asked my fellow hockey Christian teammates to do so too,
Though many have seem to reject the idea
But whether they do so or not is their personal decision.
May God grant them the peace to do so.
I believe that if we do so as a Christian group,
As one,
We would be able to boldly say that we place no confidence in how we look,
And that all confidence lies in the beautiful cross of Jesus Christ.

Maybe a loss of some admirers
Or get laughed at,
(well, it's actually quite funny)
But it definitely would teach me humility in this aspect and I wouldn't want to lose this chance.
My friends and i have thought about the idea of doing it next year before army
so it wouldnt be so bad.
Hmm but then i suppose you would lose the main point of the whole thing
Why not now?
The only difference might be looking like a monk I guess
(that's quite a lot at stake actually haha)
Well, it's the last year in VJC,
So I think I'll be trying something new then.
Whatever it is, it's not for myself anyway,
But to allow me to dig up deeper wells of security in the Lord.

Indeed, in the words of Jim Elliot,
"He is no fool who gives us what he cannot keep, to gain that which he cannot lose"

Bye hair
It's a personal decision,
And I understand everyone has their reason for doing so or not doing so,
Come and see the removal of my hair,
Don't know exactly when's the date,
Hahaha!

Maybe when it's done,
I think I'll Hope for Hair rather than Hair for Hope.
Heheh.

One of the reasons the Psalms are deeply loved by so many Christians is that they give expression to an amazing array of emotions. Listen to this list of emotions John Piper pulled together:

Loneliness: “I am lonely and afflicted” (Psalms 25:16).
Love: “I love you, O Lord, my strength” (Psalms 18:1).
Awe: “Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him” (Psalms 33:8).
Sorrow: “My life is spent with sorrow” (Psalms 31:10).
Regret: “I am sorry for my sin” (Psalms 38:18).
Contrition: “A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise” (Psalms 51:17).
Discouragement and turmoil: “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me” (Psalms 42:5)?
Shame: “Shame has covered my face” (Psalms 44:15).
Exultation: “In your salvation how greatly he exults” (Psalms 21:1).
Marveling: “This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes” (Psalms 118:23).
Delight: “His delight is in the law of the Lord” (Psalms 1:2).
Joy: “You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound” (Psalms 4:7).
Gladness: “I will be glad and exult in you” (Psalms 9:2).
Fear: “Serve the Lord with fear” (Psalms 2:11).
Anger: “Be angry, and do not sin” (Psalms 4:4).
Peace: “In peace I will both lie down and sleep” (Psalms 4:8).
Grief: “My eye wastes away because of grief” (Psalms 6:7).
Desire: “O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted” (Psalms 10:17).
Hope: “Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you” (Psalms 33:22).
Brokenheartedness: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalms 34:18).
Gratitude: “I will thank you in the great congregation” (Psalms 35:18).
Zeal: “Zeal for your house has consumed me” (Psalms 69:9).
Pain: “I am afflicted and in pain” (Psalms 69:29).
Confidence: “Though war arise against me, yet I will be confident” (Psalms 27:3).

Exhausted yet satisfied
Ran my totally unprepared 10km in 47:10min
Slept at 3am the previous day and woke up at 8am today
Lack of sleep + chemistry homework = deep exhaustion
Thank God I spent some time with M just slacking and chilling at my place ^^
needed the break so badly
Feel both grateful and loved.

Thank God for the race.
strength to run till the finish line.
Played planetshaker songs on my mp3,
Loud, but at least it kept me running at my pace!
Though I didn't prepare,
I'm definitely happy with my timing.
Maybe a sub-40 timing would have been nicer, HAHA.
Sometimes I expect too much haha.

Saw Naresh and Ms Sharma,
Good time catching up.
By the way,
Ms Sharma is my awesome geog teacher who slimed down,
Amazing and true story,
she would totally win 'The Biggest Loser' game show if she had participated.

Reached home at 2am.
Super tired now.
Need more rest, especially since its the holidays
Hmm but it's all just going to be mugging,
Sigh.
Here we go again, haha.
But this time, I'm gonna depend on God for strength and wisdom.
Here we go.

Hello June.

I just hate fighting with the one person I want to talk with the most.
Maybe I'm sensitive
Or rather i just want to be listened to.

These few days have been tough.
"everything is going to be alright" just seems like a fairy tale lie.
Feeling weak,
knowing I should hold on strong in faith,
Yet almost lacking the strength to do so.
It seems like a battle that would never end,
a boxing match that has no outcome.
Where's the courage that I boast about when I need it?
And it's times like these I know I'm left with nothing of my own,
no words sufficient to comfort my anguished soul.

But I will contend.
And fight the good fight of faith,
knowing that this struggle has already been won by my deep Lover,
Jesus Christ.

St. Augustine battle against lust and fight for joy.
inspiring and edifying.

Augustine was stung by his own bestial bondage to lust, when others were free and holy in Christ.
He knew that he was held back now not by anything intellectual, but by sexual lust: "I was still held firm in the bonds of woman's love."

Therefore the battle would be determined by the kind of pleasure that triumphed in his life. "I began to search for a means of gaining the strength I needed to enjoy you, but I could not find this means until I embraced the mediator between God and men, Jesus Christ."

[notice the battlefront: How shall I find strength to enjoy God more than sex?]

One of the most important days in church history. "O Lord, my Helper and my Redeemer, I shall now tell and confess to the glory of your name how you released me from the fetters of lust which held me so tightly shackled and from my slavery to the things of this world."

There was a small garden attached to the house where we lodged. . . . I now found myself driven by the tumult in my breast to take refuge in this garden, where no one could interrupt that fierce struggle in which I was my own contestant. . . . I was beside myself with madness that would bring me sanity. I was dying a death that would bring me life. . . . I was frantic, overcome by violent anger with myself for not accepting your will and entering into your covenant. . . . I tore my hair and hammered my forehead with my fists; I locked my fingers and hugged my knees.

But he began to see more clearly that the gain was far greater than the loss, and by miracle of grace he began to see the beauty of chastity in the presence of Christ. You've got to see something MORE POWERFUL, MORE BEAUTIFUL, MORE ENJOYABLE, MORE DELIGHTFUL, MORE THRILLING AND MORE SATISFYING. It's just got to ravish you.

I was held back by mere trifles. . . They plucked at my garment of flesh and whispered, "Are you going to dismiss us? From this moment we shall never be with you again, for ever and ever.". . . And while I stood trembling at the barrier, on the other side I could see the chaste beauty of Continence in all her serene, unsullied joy, as she modestly beckoned me to cross over and to hesitate no more. She stretched out loving hands to welcome and embrace me.

So now the battle came down to the beauty of Continence (self-restraint) and her tenders of love versus the trifles that plucked at his flesh.

I flung myself down beneath a fig tree and gave way to the tears which now streamed from my eyes . . . In my misery I kept crying, "How long shall I go on saying 'tomorrow, tomorrow'? Why not now? Why not make an end of my ugly sins at this moment?" . . . All at once I heard the singsong voice of a child in a nearby house. Whether it was the voice of a boy or a girl I cannot say, but again and again it repeated the refrain 'Take it and read, take it and read.' At this I looked up, thinking hard whether there was any kind of game in which children used to chant words like these, but I could not remember ever hearing them before. I stemmed my flood of tears and stood up, telling myself that this could only be a divine command to open my book of Scripture and read the first passage on which my eyes should fall.

So I hurried back to the place where Alypius was sitting . . . seized [the book of Paul's epistles] and opened it, and in silence I read the first passage on which my eyes fell: "Not in reveling in drunkenness, not in lust and wantonness, not in quarrels and rivalries. Rather, arm yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ; spend no more thought on nature and nature's appetites" (Romans 13:13-14). I had no wish to read more and no need to do so. For in an instant, as I came to the end of the sentence, it was as though the light of confidence flooded into my heart and all the darkness of doubt was dispelled.

Praise God. Amen.
let there be firm and unshakable enjoyment of the true and living God.



http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/biographies/the-swan-is-not-silent

no point in the light healing of wounds,
let God's scalpel go deep and heal the inner depths of our spirit.
painful yet loving.
to allow deep growth of grace,
a long term path of growth rather than short term path of circumstantial relief.

a need to understand the seriousness of indwelling sin,
to know how to fight and kill it,
not by mere human ability,
but by the great desire and thirsting for God.

"Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires."
Romans 13:13-14 (ESV)

 caress not sin, lest it invites you to death.

well, yet another loss in the finals
sometimes, it just feels you can never win as a captain
my last chance of getting a gold is up

disappointed those who hoped in me
let down my coaches
as much as they said we did a good job,
i still could feel a sense of defeat.
a loss that i could not comprehend.

we poured out every sweat and blood on the pitch
literally.
i half-dislocated my jaw,
ravi had a pulled muscle on his thigh,
samuel had 6stitches on his ear and his whole leg was bleeding.
but despite that, we still played on while gritting our teeth
putting our teammates before ourselves
that is worthy of respect
and i'm truly proud and humbled to call every one of you my team
pain is temporary, but inner victory is forever.

i dont regret a single moment
i love this team.
i love everyone of my teammates.
and thank you all for giving me a opportunity that i'll never regret.
every one of you have made a difference to me in one way or another.
be it mr singh's stories,
mr najib's words of wisdom,
bo yuan's gayness,
this is a team i'll never forget.
the tears we had shed after the match are valuable to me,
the pain we felt was shared so deeply,
yet there was a sense of unity,
a sense of trust
which i could never buy elsewhere and would never trade off.

especially seeing mr najib's powerpoint,
it brought back good memories,
strong emotions.
joy, strength, healing
fear, pain, sorrow
what a team.
different characters, one team.

i'm not here to justify myself,
RJC were a strong team and they took their chances
(good goal russell!)
and yeah it was painful,
but this would never change the fact of anything
the journey i took with my team is (not was) priceless and joyful.

i'm very proud to say that i think we fulfilled our vision: a hockey family
and rui huai truly reminded us of our motto:

"Champions in Victory and Defeat"

that's who we are.
we win, we lose.
and maybe that's what makes up a team in the end of the day

Maybe it's only through defeat that you truly understand the need to lean upon God
to seek greater refuge under His wings
His plan is greater i know.
if He wants to mould me into a better character,
let Him mould me.
the Lord gives and the Lord takes away,
but blessed be the name of the Lord.
maybe i held hockey too tightly,
maybe it became my all.
maybe a win wouldnt have brought me to my knees in surrender
but whatever it is,
at least this season will be something i'll always remember,
and in all this i give glory to God.

on a lighter note,
i'm deeply grateful for my class 11S53 who came down to support me and shout my name
and my parents and ushering ministry,
those who supported me in one way or another,
Melody, Roland and Huiyi
and yes you too Jia Lok.
thank bro. it means alot to me
hope everyone had a god time watching our match.
final score: 2-1 RJC vs VJC
hmm well, maybe silver isnt that bad
hahah.

and not forgetting,
thank you Mr Najib, for your great dedication to this team in so many areas
you have truly moulded me to become a better person
and thank you Mr Singh, your words are wisdom are so valuable
and i'll never forget the experiences you share with me.
and lastly, Mr Seet for helping us out in so many areas,
YES AND ERNEST. really very appreciative of your words and support throughout the competition!
like getting the jersey and pitch booking and supporting us all the way
thank you all. really, from the bottom of my heart.

it's my honour to play alongside my team
i have been truly blessed with so much experiences
and i just want to say i love you all.
thank you for making my time as captain such a beautiful one.
we still have the A levels to conquer.
it's time to mug together and show the school that we dont just play hard, but work hard too
let's do this!
 

final score VJC vs SAJC : 1-0 (goal scored in golden goal time)
in awe and wonder.
totally speechless
with our victory over SAJC in extra time (golden goal)

1. goal scored in 3 minutes left of extra time
- 3 is the number representing grace
- not worshiping the number, but it means alot to me in this situation

2. mistrap (flop) by the SAJC defender led to the goal
- Cheeyong's pass went to a defender who mistrapped,
- and was collected by Amos who was just at the right position at that time
- indicating it was not our own ability or tactical plan

3. scored by Amos, who never scored in semifinals before
(he was in 3 hockey semi finals before this)

4. goal scored by Amos was at a very tight angle (near the baseline)

5. shot taken by Amos was initially going to hit post, but hit the SAJC keeper's pads and went in

6. it was Amos first shot in the whole game. 100% success rate (definitely God)

7. Amos did not even reverse the whole game. NOT EVEN DURING WARM UP.

7 points to prove my point.
All glory to God.

no matter what others say about our win
like that it was Amos' skill and a good timed pass
i dont really care,
but i can only gaze upon God's hand in our match,
and be thankful.
no amount of words can articulate my joy.

really so honoured to play in this team that God has given me
even to captain it is my great privilege.
and this match has deeply humbled me
i believe God will continue to see this team through
all the way up till the final whistle of our final match as He has already did.
and whatever the outcome, all glory be unto God.
God's grace is already so evident
for He definitely has a plan
especilly since He has brought us thus far,
it's not going to be out victory, but the Lord's.

knowing that RJC drew 0-0 with SAJC in the quarter finals,
i was feeling so fearful and stressed, even till the end
fearing a dejavu of 2009 in VS
when we lost in extra time to JWSS in the semi finals
especially when our first half of extra time started off sloppy
it's physically and mentally tiring
felt like collapsing,
(but thank God for Mr Seet, Mr Singh and especially Mr Najib,
who continued to push us and encourage us even till the last minute)
and i couldnt rest well the night before,
but there was really actually nothing to fear in the first place
everything was already perfectly designed and planned by God
*even the raining and postponing of the match to allow us to clam down and re-analyse the match
and the many miscalls from the referees did not stop us*
(pray that senior referees like Khabaria will referee our match)
let God's will be done, not ours

so i shall not fear,
but in the words of Joshua,
to only be strong and courageous.
feeling tired, but thankful.

not gonna depend on my own strength anymore.
for my flesh will indeed fail me,
but never the Lord.
excited about what more is to come,
teach me Lord.

hope this testimony will encourage others to push on till the end.
and:
   

In every victory, let it be said of me, my source of strength, my source of hope, IS CHRIST ALONE

awkward celebrations after the goal was scored.
shall not comment further on this,
by there must be some match analysis done to correct this HAHA
and thank you Mr Najib for the wonderful MacDonalds treat after the match
and for pushing us on through the match
i am indeed very grateful for such people placed above me.

proud of my team.
seeing every exhausted face and every injury just made the victory so much more sweeter
we gave it our all
we fought till the end and got the result
we managed to break SAJC and by God's grace, we'll do the same against RJC
as mr singh always tells us: TEAM - Together Everyone Achieve More
we've already come this far.
let's finish this with a bang. 
pumped up and ready
nothing to lose, everything to gain.
come on guys,
let's finish this.


small prayer before match:




credits to Aqeela for the photos, thanks!

another day,
yet another wonderful experience with God.
getting a bible can be so different when God is with you (:
haha only mel and huimei will understand eh.

so glad that i could talk to russell and all
we've got to grow up already.
biblical manhood awaits.
seriously.

stayed out late at SMU to mug my chemistry
not too bad place ^^
also learned some summation myself while i was at it.
hahah.

the stars at night are so beautiful.
a good time to reflect and gaze upon the beauty of God's creation
that what is man that God is mindful of him?
indeed, God is good.

the free poloroid!

thank God for such a wonderful start to the year.
hope it gets better each day with God :)

had some good htht until super late!
confession of sins really brings about healing!
as i look back into my past,
i really thank God for preserving my soul and guiding me with His rod and staff.
Indeed He is a cloud by day to cover me and a fire by night to comfort me

had a chance to talk to my grandmother today (who is a non-believer)
she seems like she's having a good retirement in Arizona
jealous much HAHA jkin.
just before i passed the phone back to my dad,
i managed to get a chance to pray for her (although my chinese isnt very good HAHA)
and praise God for that :)
hopefully, God touched her heart.
i love my granny!

went shopping today for new year clothes with justin and melody
THANKS MEL! (great advice eh! i can see a future fashion designer HAHA)
WHEE, super happy that i got the clothes i wanted
at very good discounts :))

passed by A&F to check out the hype.
what we found out was that the place:
1. buff guys
2. strong manly perfume
3. expensive clothes
managed to get a poloroid (for free!) with some A&F model
which was actually quite embarrassing with so many people passing by and staring at you
i'm quite sure that the A&F model was gay, he was literally squeezing my waist!
please look at picture below for further elaboration.
HAHAHA.

tried to study for a while after that,
but was pretty unsuccessful.
but it was a good day nonetheless.

just found out where the secondhand cheap Christian bookstore is located!
TEEHEE ^^

and i love my cell group so very much! <3

2012 is gonna be an exciting year :))
A new year, a new journey, a new encounter with God.

Whom shall I fear?
For the Lord is the light of my salvation
And I will forever rest in the arms of the Almighty God.

Resolutions checked.
I'm excited and ready for the new year ahead.

i look forward to the new beginning.
in anticipation and excitement.
ready to go through what God has planned before me.
that though i may plan in my heart,
Yahweh Elohim directs my steps.
My Kinsman Redeemer and Saviour,
no other can compare.

A fresh beginning today,
and the future looks bright.
my resolution list is so packed with ambitions.
but in the midst of my busyness,
God is always there.
guiding me, teaching me, and never letting me go.

May God be glorified in my life this year of 2012.
Pastor Rony message really spoke to me directly today!
it was really exactly what i was praying for!
letting go of dark compulsions and holding on to deep convictions,
that i am an AMBASSADOR of Christ!
to deny myself and take up my cross DAILY.
i am so blessed.

i seek to pray ad intercede for others more.
want to get deeper into His written word
as i live out the spoken word,
that i may personally know the Father,
and dwell in His presence forevermore.

main highlights of 2012:
- growth of ushering ministry in Christ
- VJC's Christian group (SHOP)
- transition to reachlight
- IDMC 2012
- FOP and Ignite Conference
- Hockey A division
- A levels
- God's plan and will in my life

God prepare me for another year and let not anything pull me away from your gaze.
Glorify Your name Father.
really excited for what God has in store for me!

really what can i say?
everything passed by so fast
and i cant wait for the future

i'm too lazy to explain what i have done this holidays
so i shall explain with the help of illustrations (:

church camp (unify and crux), USS, usher retreat, cell retreat
byebye 2011 (:
it was good knowing you
filled with pain, joy and laughter.
but most of all, God's hand moving in and through my life <3
thank You God (:

so much to post about!
church camp, outings, etc.
but it's late now so i shall withhold myself TEEHEE.
i shall resist the temptation ^^
anyway, i just cut my hair.
(and i wanted to do so without my mum asking, WOAH)

hmm i wonder what's up with all the A&F fever,
about the shirtless hot dudes.
i chanced upon this photo on facebook
HAHAHA
this is such a hilarious comparison of singapore men and the A&F models

went out with JL, Adrian and Darius for dinner yesterday
so good to be around close + old friends
did some catching up,
blah blah blah.
feel so relaxed heheh (:
anyway, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DARIUS!

the group's church camp identities (which i took painstakingly long to do) are finally complete (:
what a joy!